Managing Anxiety through Music, with Autumn Rose Brand

SHOW NOTES

Autumn Brand Website
Autumn Brand Instagram
New Reveille Band
Season & Snare accept the Shorty Award for Periscoper of the Year

Founder of Authentic Leadership Advisors and Authentic Leadership Advisors Academy, Kathleen O’Grady is a visionary leadership coach and fearless leader. She supports driven individuals and organizations to achieve the impossible. Her ability to act as a catalyst for people to discover, rediscover, and embrace their unique genius is what makes Kathleen one of the most sought-after global executive coaches. She is a two-times past president of the International Coaching Federation Raleigh Chapter, and her work is featured in web articles by the NYTimes.com, Huffingtonpost.com, Forbes.com, and eFinancialCareers.com.

Her real-world stories, practical tools, and actionable insights help clients step out of their comfort zone to create authentic meaning and purpose in their life and work. By embracing change, Kathleen believes everyone can achieve something extraordinary.

Authenticity is Contagious is produced by Earfluence. Intro and outro music provided by Autumn Rose Brand.

Transcript

Kathleen O’Grady: My guest today is Autumn Rose Brand. I don’t even know how to title you Autumn, because you’re so much. You are an incredible composer, writer, musician,  singer from your heart and model. And everything else. But most of all, you are an authentic person.

Autumn Brand: Thank you.

Kathleen O’Grady: You are an exceptionally authentic person, and I know that you’ve put a lot of work into that. And so we’re here today to get some of your story out to the world in order to inspire the listeners. So if you were to pick one word to describe, what prompted you to start down this path of coaching with me, what would it be?

Autumn Brand: You know, this morning to kind of try to prepare for this.  I guess there’s not really a whole lot you can do to prepare except just be authentic. I was looking through all of these old journals that I used to keep with you and you know, and myself, and, the one word I would pick is anxiety, but I have to pick its opposite, which is gratitude. So, yeah.

Kathleen O’Grady: Okay.

Autumn Brand: Yeah.

Kathleen O’Grady: So those are, the yin and yang, right. You can’t feel anxious when you’re feeling gratitude.

Autumn Brand: Yup.

Kathleen O’Grady: Kind of takes it away.  And so, starting with the gratitude that I have for you, taking the time to be here today, we’ll get into a lot of different things, but what would you say is your definition of authenticity?

Autumn Brand: Whew. That’s a tough one. My definition of authenticity would have to be, the truest sense of who I am as a, as a being. Without,  constructs or blocks, given to myself by myself and the world around me.

Kathleen O’Grady: Yeah. That’s beautiful.

Autumn Brand: Thanks.

Kathleen O’Grady: So what year was it that we first started together?

Autumn Brand: 2013.

Kathleen O’Grady: Talk to us a little bit about what was happening in your, in your world back then.

Autumn Brand: In 2013, and for this is super relatable to a lot of people. You know, I was in my mid, early twenties, and, I had just moved here to North Carolina a few years ago and I had basically put my life into someone else’s life, which was a boy. And I think a lot of women tend to do that.

And then this boy, to put it lightly, broke my heart and then a number of things happened after that where I spiraled. And, you know, some parties were involved, this and that and I ended up in this space where I,  umm , anxiety took over complete and utter anxiety, and I felt like, any remnants of who Autumn was, were just, they were not there. It’s, I don’t know if I lost them. I don’t know if they were ever there, but I, I felt like a shell of a human, almost like an alien from another planet, like looking out onto this world with nothing.

I couldn’t think without questioning what I was thinking.  It was just a complete fear, fear of, being myself, not even knowing if that was a thing. Fear of opening my mouth, fear of literally moving my body in any way. Just complete, complete, complete fear.

 So I knew that living in a state of fear was not the end all for me. I became like pretty, I just didn’t want to exist anymore. I thought that existing, would have been easier, but I know deep down there was a part of me that was like, this isn’t me.

There’s something more, there’s something more to me. And so, I think because I had a little bit of that light left in me, I was able to find you or we found each other, something. The universe brought us together. So that’s the long answer.

Kathleen O’Grady: So the universe brought us together.

Autumn Brand: Yeah.

Kathleen O’Grady: And earlier you said that you felt like a shell of yourself.

Autumn Brand: Yeah.

Kathleen O’Grady:  What do you remember about filling that shell back up?

Autumn Brand: Mmm. I’m still filling the shell up. I feel like it’s a daily occurrence. It’s a journey. But what I think I remember is, it taking these ideas of myself and, like flipping, flipping them around, almost learning what the, the opposite was so like earlier I said,

I was anxious and so I had to learn about gratitude. I was fearful and I had to learn about love. I knew, that love was the biggest thing. You know, I, I love my mom. I love my family. I love my friends, but it was more so like, filling up myself with that love, for myself. So I think, learning to love and feeling like this breath of life and knowing that it exists and, knowing that I’m part of it and knowing that I’m part of this light that I see around me, I am that too. 

That answer your question?

Kathleen O’Grady: Yeah. It was beautiful the way you described that. I’m wondering if you have a moment that you remember an instance where you remember feeling that love for yourself and noticing it.

Autumn Brand: Hmm.

I can’t think of one specifically. I still, I think I just have random spurts of it, but, I’d say it’s in moments where I’m active. there’s been moments with you where I’ve realized it, sitting in your living room and, just sharing a space with you. Sharing a space with certain people. I feel connected to. Also, in music that probably that mostly if I’m feeling, any love for myself,  it is when I’m singing or it is what I’m writing or it is when I’m playing violin, that’s when it mostly comes out.

Kathleen O’Grady: So in other words, expressing your gifts.

Autumn Brand: Mmhmm,  yeah.

Kathleen O’Grady: Can I share something that I remember? Okay. I can remember you sometimes coming into our coaching sessions with just this sunken look on your face, and then other times you would come in with all of this excitement, like you’re never going to guess what happened, and you’d read to me from your journal and you’d say, it’s happening.

I could see it happening now. I don’t want to lose this feeling.

So I can see your tears. Do you want to share?

  Autumn Brand: I just love you  and I remember a lot of those moments and, you know, it’s funny, it’s like right now, I’m feeling a little sunken today, just having kind of an emotional day, but, um. You cry when you’re like sad, but then you also cry when things are just beautiful. I remember, you know, a lot of those moments with you, and how beautiful for someone to help you find your light like that and you know, what’s interesting is I, don’t usually talk about this time in my life when you and I started seeing each other but  I was, talking with somebody about it yesterday and 

I’m on a journey still, I’m still trying to, find the most authentic version of myself daily. Man, I’ve really come a long way. Like, wow, I really, really come a long way. And I’ll say that, handling life’s outside, you know, pains and struggles is so much easier now than ever, ever used to be  and I feel so much less fractured as a person. 

Daily, I think back on, sessions we’ve had in what you’ve said to me, and I have kept all those journals, I look through them and I look through like things you say, I would, you know, I’d stop you and be like, hold that thought. You just said something so amazing. I need to write this down. And I have all these, you know, quotes from you and, just ideas that popped in my head.

And if I ever question now, if I’ve come a long way. All I have to do is look at one page.  It is just so apparent to me the big, huge changes I’ve made in myself and that you’ve helped me with.

Kathleen O’Grady: Well, you did the work.

  Autumn Brand: Yeah. And that’s what it’s all about.  I was thinking about that today is, you’ve never once told me what to do. You know, you’re not sitting there telling me, Autumn, you need to do this. You need to do that. You need to. It’s always been like, how, how would you explain it? Like um?

Kathleen O’Grady: Mirroring back your magnificent?  Pretty much. I like that.

  And if I can just share something that’s just kind of channeling down and into my consciousness. It’s that I don’t think people realize that authenticity is a lifestyle choice, so it’s not this kind of like elusive thing. It takes work, like you said, it’s a daily struggle. You’re not going to fill yourself up and stay full. It could be one comment that somebody makes or one thing that you screw up and then it stays with you and you keep thinking about it and ruminating about it, and then before you know it, you’ve depleted yourself energetically and your more easily susceptible to being triggered or being rude.  And so this idea of filling ourselves with love, loving ourselves even when we make mistakes takes work.

Yeah.

And you’re doing it.

Autumn Brand:  Well and one thing too is that whole idea of like the victim mode, it is so addictive. It is so strangely addictive  when you get into those states of like, oh, I did something bad, or I’m blaming myself for something.

Then you just, yeah, you just spiral and spiral into it, ruminate in it, and then you become the victim of your own, emotional state. And that’s so can be so hard to get out of, so.

Kathleen O’Grady:  What are some of the I guess healthy habits you’ve adopted over the years that help you shift out of those spirals?

Autumn Brand: Ooh. I mean, some of it’s like very simple sort of mindful things like,  journaling, gratitude journaling specifically, or like brain dumping, as I like to call it. Also, literally just also so simple, getting outside, going for a walk. Meditation, of course. But also sometimes, I know that I can get like a little obsessive about like self help books and stuff like that. So, literally like doing something like, reading a silly story even, or something to just get me out of the mental space that I’m in. 

Kathleen O’Grady: What do you have to say to people who are pursuing a career in music or art or writing? Because let’s face it, the world that we live in, at least right now in most cases is not in favor of the creative arts. And so you have that much more of an identity crisis to deal with in terms of how you identify yourself as successful or how are people going to take me seriously.

And I remember a specific pivot point, many years ago where if I may, you said you had this aha and you said, “oh my God”. And it goes back to the thing you were saying about victim. You said, “I was looking around at my peers, and I remember thinking, I’m so done with thinking of myself as like a starving artist.

I don’t want to identify that way anymore. And so because you’ve shifted that, you’ve let go of that identity, you immediately went into raising your prices for your lessons on violin for your performances at weddings and so on and so forth. And so having gone through that and still even now having had a record deal and still figuring out where you’re going with your craft, what would you say to the listeners?

Autumn Brand: I’ve, been in this, state of I’m not good enough and why would anyone care about what I’m doing and victimizing myself, through my music and just, you know, I’ve even even thought about like, oh I’m just going to stop doing it because no one cares. And, and then, and if no one cares, then why would I even do it?

And I think that’s, you know, sort of the wrong way or just not a healthy way to look at it. And that is, like you said, that’s going into the victim mode. That’s not what it’s about. It’s not about what other people think, and if that’s the way you’re going about your craft, you know, you might want to reconsider, why you’re doing it. Music is such a, it’s such a strange thing. It’s voyeuristic in a sense, because you want people to hear you when you want people to listen to you.

But at the same time,  you’re just exploring your soul and your creative side and, so it’s kind of a hard marriage of, of the two, I feel like. And I’ve been in bands where, I wanted to make music for other people, but there’s not a whole lot of magic in that. I think the magic is in, creating for yourself.

And, personally I’ve kind of come to the realization that, you know, I’m broken and a lot of people are broken or we have, you know, broken pieces of us. And I simply love music and I love creating it. And while I don’t necessarily want to create it for other people, I want to create it from the most authentic part of myself.

And to in some way, shape or form, heal people through it.

Almost like I keep saying to myself, I want to help heal people’s brokenness through my own. And I think that’s, you know, I’m like, oh, it’s so unique of me. But I think that’s a, big part of being a musician or being an artist is that, there’s pieces of us that are a little fractured that we want to share.

Because within that sharing, we can heal others while healing ourselves, and to this starving artist idea.

As soon as I let go of that,  as soon as I stopped saying things like, “Oh, I’m so broke. Oh, I can’t do this. I don’t have enough money. Oh, I’m just a broke starving artist.”

As soon as I let go of that. My life completely has turned around. And people reuse this phrase over and over again, but it’s so true. Manifesting. and putting something out into the universe is exactly what you’re going to get back. So if I’m telling myself over and over that I’m broke.

I’m this, I lack this. I lack that. That’s exactly what I am. I’m just telling myself that’s exactly what I am. But, you know, if I tell myself, which I am and I believe that I’m a good musician and, I love playing music and it is my career, and I’ll be able to continue doing it as a career.

That’s what’s happened. That’s what I’m doing. I’m just, I’m just doing it.

I’ll give kind of like a, an interesting example. Like, my car. So I used to drive this car that was like brakes, stopped working. It was not good, like I remember I would drive up to your house and you’d be like, I’m manifesting you getting a new car.

And I always used to think to myself like, I don’t deserve a nicer car like I’m just going to drive this beat up car because I’m a starving artist and this is what starving artists drive, is they drive this like crappy car that’s gonna break down at any moment. But what I realized was because I was driving that car around, I was, it was breaking down on my way to lessons.

It was not serving me. I was not able to get to gigs because of it. And so there I was living this, you know, in this victim mode again, it’s like it kept cycling over and something as simple as literally getting a new car and believing that I deserve that car and I deserve to get to the gigs that I deserve. And I deserve to get to my lessons and I deserve people to respect me as a musician and as a teacher, things started changing for me. And it’s so funny cause it’s like an object, right? It’s a car. But  in that moment, things started changing for me.

Kathleen O’Grady: I want to go back to what you said about the broken pieces, because we all have them.

Autumn Brand: Yeah.

Kathleen O’Grady: Some people just hide them better

than others.

Autumn Brand: Yeah.

Kathleen O’Grady: And I’ll  make a couple of cultural references.

So there’s the show on Amazon Prime called, The Man in the High Castle and I in in they’re I guess in Japanese culture, they associate different items as having something called wu and wu basically means that whoever created this had a strong, painful experience that led them to the creativity of the item.

And that’s just my version of defining it based on what I interpreted from the show. And so this concept of Wu is that whoever the artist is, whether they’re a painter or a poet or a musician, they had to go through some serious pain for their art to have, wu. And so you have a lot of this wu. And you know, I’ve always said that I see you shine the best when you are performing of your own work, items that you’ve written, really channeling something that is yours alone.

What does that feel like? Cause I would kill to experience that.

Autumn Brand: Well, it’s funny because I’m a pretty. Anxious, like it’s kind of a, I sort of have like a backburner anxiety and social anxiety, which I’ve gotten better at. But what’s interesting is that when I’m on stage specifically, and I’m performing music that I’ve written.

And I’m singing it like I, you know, I play violin, play piano, whatever, but something about singing it. Singing is one of the most vulnerable things you can do in front of people. So I don’t know what it is. I don’t know how I’m able to get there. But I think there must be some sort of belief within myself that people want to hear me.

And that I have something to share because when I’m on stage and I’m singing, that is 100% the most comfortable version of myself I can possibly be. when there’s people watching me, listening to me, nothing else exists in that moment. And I don’t know how or why because it’s so vulnerable and it should be so freaking scary, but it’s just not.

Kathleen O’Grady:  I have a hypothesis. I was watching an interview with Sebastian Maniscalco. He’s one of my favorite comedians. If you don’t know who he is, I don’t check it out. By the way, Sebastian, if you’re listening, I’d love to interview you. That would be amazing. But he was saying in the interview, I forget with who, cause I was bingeing on interviews with him in preparation to seeing him live in a couple of weeks and he said the same thing, that he is awkward in small groups, but as soon as he gets on stage, he’s in his element.

And you are too. I’ve seen you perform. I’ve seen you in small groups and it’s two different versions of you. I mean, I think that that just means it’s a testament to the fact that that is your gift. That’s where you’re supposed to shine. Yeah. So.

Autumn Brand:  I  believe that.

Kathleen O’Grady: Have you ever had, a profound fan experience?

Autumn Brand: I’ve had quite a few profound fan experiences. A lot of it through Periscope, the live streaming app that was, popular a while ago.

Kathleen O’Grady: Feel free to not gloss over the award you were given.

Autumn Brand: Oh, you know, I like it to not mention my achievements. Okay. Yeah. So I was in a band called Season and Snare. We were like a little duo. And, we were on Periscope, and we would live stream like constantly.

It literally became our lives and we were just on there singing, you know, little tunes and we had one of the very first viral live streaming videos because this is right when live streaming became a thing. And Aaron Paul, from Breaking Bad somehow got on our channel because one person shared, another person shared.

Then all of a sudden Aaron Paul was on, he shared our stream and then we had. I think it was like, I have photos of this still is like 1.4 million people in our stream watching us, just two young kids singing and playing in my living room. And so that in itself I think is fairly profound. The fact that like, we weren’t even doing anything special.

We were literally just doing what we loved. And people latched onto it and they loved it. It was so real. And it was like, it felt like it was, you know, making our dreams come true or whatever. But following that we eventually ended up, going to New York, for the Shorty awards, which is like an international, social media award ceremony.

And we beat like some famous people, including Tom Green for Periscoper of the year in I think 2015 and we like met Al Roker and like all these like DJ Khalid, like we met all these, I mean, I was, we were like, cool, we’re just like two kids from North Carolina, what’s happening? But through that experience, so many other people have come through the woodwork.

And, even though I’m not in Season and Snare anymore. A lot of these people still communicate with me and they, want to, hear my music. You know, I haven’t really done a whole lot with my own music, but, they latched onto me and they latched onto the music I was creating because they, really, really felt it

and there was something, something that shone out of me and Casey into them and they, want more of it and  if I can keep talking just little longer. There is one girl in particular, who I met through Periscope named Bree. And, she recently came out as, as a medium, a psychic medium, and, her and I had a sort of like a little guidance session and, she ended up, telling me some things that I didn’t really know anyone knew about myself, which was, you know, very telling.

And she, she said, you know, Autumn, people still want to hear you. And you know, and her even, she is a huge fan of, of mine so I think that. You know, I’m not going into too much detail, but that particular fan and that experience with her was like very telling and, so many people just want to see me do well.

Kathleen O’Grady:  If I remember you telling me this story.

She said multiple times. There’s one.

Autumn Brand: Yeah. She kept saying, well, she was like. You know, speaking to, past relatives and also she went further beyond to my spirit guide that she would call them. And, she’s, she would just like close her eyes and go, I’m just seeing this. I’m just hearing this one voice, one voice.

People keep telling me one voice. Thought that was pretty, pretty interesting to say the least.

Kathleen O’Grady: Yeah.

Autumn Brand: Yeah.

Kathleen O’Grady: So what a lot of people don’t know, which I know, is that you, when you were in Season and Snare and you had that event where two people from North Carolina became instantly famous.

You are a couple.

Autumn Brand: Yeah, we were a couple.

Kathleen O’Grady: So there was a lot of love there, but I would venture to say that. Not taking anything away from Casey, but the love that you bring when you start performing is palpable. And so I can totally agree with Bree that the one voice is your voice and  it has healed, it will heal.

And so who do you want to heal the most?

Autumn Brand: Oh, wow.

Anyone? Anyone who feels what I’m giving out? Literally anyone. There’s no, no judgment. No. No, perfect person that I want to heal. It’s anyone and everyone who who needs it. Yeah. Including myself.

Kathleen O’Grady: So what advice do you have for people who are maybe early to mid to late twenties who are going through similar struggles to yours? Broken hearted, not confident in their career, future, all of it.

Autumn Brand: I mean, not to, not to normalize, but to normalize. Literally everyone I think goes through that between their 20s and 30s, and that’s just it almost seems like a Rite of passage.

But I think, one huge thing I’ve always had to remind myself is that. I am not my emotions, and it’s, but it’s because I am me.

And it’s okay to act to just to feel them and just to experience them. But also not let them overtake you. Not to let them take you on a ride. I heard recently that any emotion. When it’s run, its course will last like 90 seconds. So, like anxiety for instance, huge, huge thing. Everyone feels, I feel like in their twenties, anxiety, literally just feeling it, breathing through it  and, and not letting it overtake your mind. .

Also meditate. Meditate, do it.

Kathleen O’Grady: What are some of the milestones of your musical journey?

 The first milestone of my musical journey would have been when I was 13. And, my teacher, my orchestra teacher asked for us to write a melody.

And so I came back the next day with a full orchestral score because I like to go above and beyond. And, she submitted it to, an international composers, a competition, and I won.

Oh my goodness.

I don’t know if you know this. So, yeah, I won first place in my age group and I flew to Nashville.

And so I’m an internationally, award winning composer, technically.

At the age of 13. and then, after that, I would say. Few years in between. It was winning the shorty award with Season and Snare. After that, it was, in my band, New Reveley, which I’ve always loved, love, love, love that band.

We took a hiatus for awhile and, we ended up, it felt kind of random, but I know it was like by the grace of God that we entered into a record deal, went to Nashville for three weeks, recorded with Ben Fowler, who produced, like one of Blake Shelton’s records. Worked with all these amazing people like Reba McEntire’s bassist, Sheryl crow’s drummer and just releasing that record, beautiful record. I’d say those are some of the probably big milestones. I also, It’s something I think I kind of overlook was, I had released  a single a few years back and I’m really proud of that. I think it took me a lot of motivation and, believing in myself to really put that out there.

So I’m pretty proud of that as well.

Is that the home single?

Autumn Brand:  It’s, Something We Weren’t Looking For.

Kathleen O’Grady: Oh yeah.

Autumn Brand:  It was like my, you know, it was my breakup song. Yeah. And then doing the show by myself and all that stuff. I think it took a lot of courage for me to do that. So

Kathleen O’Grady: It did. And then there was one other band that I, that you were a part of when I met you in 2013. Saints Apollo.

Autumn Brand: Saints Apollo

Kathleen O’Grady: I remember Saints Apollo.

Autumn Brand: Yeah. Saints Apollo, was, that was, I feel like that was the first, like really important band that I was in and were like a little folk, just some folky kids playing some folky music. But I’ll always look back on that and in a positive light. And I still, became really good friends with the cellist, Caitlin. We’re still really good friends and the lead singer, John, we still talk and get lunch all the time. And, I like still listen to the music. That stuff was pretty good. And we brought a lot of people together and a lot of people came to our shows and, yeah, that was really fun.

Kathleen O’Grady: So back to the present. Yeah. Let’s give a, why don’t you give a shout out for new Reveley? Tell us a little bit about what kind of music it is and where you perform usually.

Autumn Brand: Okay. so in New Revely, I guess we’re kind of like, you could call us an old country sort of Americano band. I play violin and singing it, and there’s Daniel Cook.

He plays banjo also is singing now and then the lead singer, Amy Cam. It’s just the three of us. We sort of went through a little, battle with the record label and we were five members. Now we’re three, but we’re still going strong. We had other writers on our past record called The Keep. And now, sort of the direction we’re taking this is that just Daniel and I are now writing this new record.

And, Him and I are both very similar. We’re both INFPs and super emotional, and we think about the world and kind of a similar way. And so what’s happening with these new songs is it, I mean, it’s really simply just him and I writing them. There’s nobody from the outside coming in looking at these.

And so it’s coming from a really deep place of, internal, struggles that we’ve gone through. And our lives are actually strangely paralleled right now, him and I’s. And, since we think about the world and kind of a similar place, the songs are I really am I feel them so deeply, and they’re so, they mean so much to me.

And there’s so, you know, we’re not cutting any corners. We’re not writing it for anyone else except us. We’re not thinking, oh, how well would this do on the charts? We’re just writing. What we feel, I’m like touching my heart right now, we’re really just writing what we feel from our hearts and, singing the crap out of it.

Kathleen O’Grady: I can’t wait to hear that. When do you anticipate it’ll be?

Autumn Brand: Well, we have, we have no record labels, so that means we have no money. So we’re trying to do things sort of piece by piece, and here and there, and we’re hoping to be releasing it in May, probably sometime in the summer and then, you know, touring and everything.

Kathleen O’Grady: Congratulations.

Autumn Brand: Thank you.

Kathleen O’Grady:  I’m so excited to hear that.

 

Autumn Brand:  Random question.

Okay. Favorite song of all time that you love to belt out. Oh, that you love to sing.

That I love to sing. Favorite song of all time. Well, I can’t give you one. Okay. Okay. This might come as a surprise, but Stone Cold by Demi Lavato.

I don’t even know what that song is, but I’ll check it out.

something of, maybe it’s the range in which she’s, she sings it, but it’s like perfect for my voice. People probably don’t think I can reach those high of, no, you want to give us a snippet.

Let me find the key. it’s like, “stone cold, stone cold, staring at her  stone. Cool. Stone cold. I dunno. I’d have to have it like going, but it’s something like that.”

Kathleen O’Grady: Oh my God.

Autumn Brand: And then in the end, she’s like. It modulates and she’s like belting it, but that’s like an in my car by myself. If anyone’s at the stoplight next to me, they’re going to go, why is she screaming?

Yeah. And then one of my favorite songs of all time also might be surprising, is Stay by Rihanna. You know that song? Yes. Ooh, it’s so good.

Kathleen O’Grady:  I just want to have you sing over and over again.

Autumn Brand: Am I taking requests now?

Kathleen O’Grady:  I keep asking you this, but when’s your next show?

Autumn Brand: I’m actually playing on March 20th in Durham at, this new venue called GPaz, on Hunter street, I want to say. I’m doing like a little,  just like a 20 minute opening set. It’s like a, dinner with the show kind of thing, like a sit down. So March 20th, and, I’m opening for this composer named Shelly Markham who wrote a bunch of old jazz standards. And then my friend Dave, who like plays hip hop violin, and the new Reveley is playing, with Katie Tunstall. If anyone knows who she is.

Kathleen O’Grady: I’ve heard of her.

Autumn Brand: Yeah. She had like one, a really big song. I can’t think of something about a cherry. Kind of like a country, kind of a, she’s like a country singer, but we’re opening for her. we’re doing a couple of East coast gigs and then we’re playing with her at Coco Booth and again in Wilmington there’s a amphitheater there.

 Kathleen O’Grady:  I know you’ve read so many books over the years.

Autumn Brand: Yeah.

Kathleen O’Grady: What are some of your favorites that you would recommend.

Autumn Brand: The four agreements, for sure.

Kathleen O’Grady: Yes.

Autumn Brand: You are a Bad Ass and there’s actually a book that I read called the Alchemist that I, I mean, it’s a story, but it’s pivotal .

Kathleen O’Grady: Was the I, did I give put you up to that?

Autumn Brand: I think you did. Yeah. But I had read it years and years ago, but when I read it, I was like, I don’t understand this.

And then it took me sort of growing up a little bit to like really understand it. And oh, The Enchanted Love Workshop by Marianne Williamson. Oh my gosh. although I think that might just be an audio book. Right.

Kathleen O’Grady: It’s on audible. It’s a workshop that’s recorded. Yeah. Yeah. That’s definitely a goodie.

Autumn Brand: And then someday your book.

Kathleen O’Grady: Which you’ll be a contributing writer for. Yes.

Autumn Brand: Yes.

Kathleen O’Grady:  Okay. Well, it’s coming together. Yeah. We like to create a lot of suspense. Many years of suspense.

Autumn Brand:  Good. It takes a long time to write a book, I’d imagine,

Kathleen O’Grady: In the right way. Yeah. Yeah.

When you talked about anxiety I know we, we’ve been through some of the causes of that anxiety and one of the significant ones was the desire to be perfect, which I think a lot of people share  rather than having the answer how to overcome that.

Yeah. What’s some ways you can reassure people who are in the space of where you were ?

Autumn Brand: So honestly, I feel, I almost feel like an impostor even trying to answer this because Lord knows I still struggle with that daily. It all kind of related to, songwriting. So because that’s what I know about, and maybe this can be an analogy for something else in someone else’s life.

When I am sitting down to, you know, write a song or for someone else that could be doing a test or doing their makeup or whatever, whatever else. I’m thinking this needs to be, this just needs to be perfect, right? I’m just going to get to write it and it’s going to be perfect. It’s going to be awesome, and it’s going to be the best it can be.

And if it’s not that, well, then I’m just going to trash it. But I know upon entering that state of mind that the best version of what I could possibly put out will not happen because of the striving energy behind it.  That striving energy of, almost forcing yourself. It’s like this tight tense force. You’re not allowing yourself to be in an actual creative flow or to be in an actual flow of, of anything.

Because, the nature of it in itself is, is striving and intense and forceful. And, You know, I don’t really have any like great answers on how you can get yourself out of that mode but what I always do is I just remind myself that I’m just doing my best and everyone’s just doing their best and I just breathe through it.

Kathleen O’Grady: Will you just help me?

Autumn Brand: Yeah.

Kathleen O’Grady: Cause I’m about to hide behind this microphone and dip down sheepishly cause that’s what I’m struggling with really with the book it, it’s either my, the voice says it’s gotta be perfect or I have this insane desire to be cutting edge. Okay, so I don’t want to say anything if I think everybody’s already heard it before.

Autumn Brand: I see. Yeah.

Kathleen O’Grady: Well, and I know, and I know, and I know because I tell people all the time, nobody’s going to say it in my way because I’m me and they’re them. Yep. But I struggle with that. I struggle with even just getting started because I get so in my head that I just walk away. I mean, if I’m telling the truth, this whole book started in 2013.

It’s now 2020 and I’m still in the process, so thank you for what you just said, because even though we’ve worked together, we’re all in this together.

Autumn Brand: Yeah. You’re a human.

Kathleen O’Grady: Yeah. Yeah.

So perfection is for the birds.

Autumn Brand: Yeah.

Kathleen O’Grady: Autumn, I just can’t thank you enough again for being here today and for inspiring our listeners. I know that you will touch many lives who are listening and for also the music that is yet to come that you create. You’re just phenomenal.

Thank you, Kathleen. Thank you for everything you’ve ever given me and that you will.

 

15-75 second clips

1 – Autumn

Autumn Brand: I was anxious and so I had to learn about gratitude. I was fearful and I had to learn about love. I knew, that love was the biggest thing. You know, I, I love my mom. I love my family. I love my friends, but it was more so like, filling up myself with that love, for myself.  so I think, learning to love and feeling like this breath of life and knowing that it exists and, knowing that I’m part of it and knowing that I’m part of this light that I see around me, I am that too.

Kathleen O’Grady: 2 – Autumn

Autumn Brand: I’m on a journey still, I’m still trying to, find the most authentic version of myself daily. Man, I’ve really come a long way. Like, wow, I really, really come a long way. And I’ll say that, handling life’s outside, you know, pains and struggles is so much easier now than ever, ever used to be  and I feel so much less fractured as a person.  Daily, I think back on, sessions we’ve had in what you’ve said to me, and I have kept all those journals, I look through them and I look through like things you say, I would, you know, I’d stop you and be like, hold that thought.

You just said something so amazing. I need to write this down. And I have all these, you know, quotes from you and, just ideas that popped in my head. And if I ever question now, if I’ve come a long way. All I have to do is look at one page.  It is just so apparent to me the big, huge changes I’ve made in myself and that you’ve helped me with.

Kathleen O’Grady: 3 – Kathleen

  And if I can just share something that’s just kind of channeling down and into my consciousness. It’s that I don’t think people realize that authenticity is a lifestyle choice, so it’s not this kind of like elusive thing. It takes work, like you said, it’s a daily struggle. You’re not going to fill yourself up and stay full. It could be one comment that somebody makes or one thing that you screw up and then it stays with you and you keep thinking about it and ruminating about it, and then before you know it, you’ve depleted yourself energetically and your more easily susceptible to being triggered or being rude.

And so this idea of filling ourselves with love, loving ourselves even when we make mistakes takes work.

4 – Autumn

Autumn Brand: I’ve, been in this, state of I’m not good enough and why would anyone care about what I’m doing and victimizing myself, through my music and just, you know, I’ve even even thought about like, oh I’m just going to stop doing it because no one cares. And, and then, and if no one cares, then why would I even do it?

And I think that’s, you know, sort of the wrong way or just not a healthy way to look at it. And that is, like you said, that’s going into the victim mode. That’s not what it’s about. It’s not about what other people think, and if that’s the way you’re going about your craft, you know, you might want to reconsider, why you’re doing it. Music is such a, it’s such a strange thing. It’s voyeuristic in a sense, because you want people to hear you when you want people to listen to you.

But at the same time,  you’re just exploring your soul and your creative side and, so it’s kind of a hard marriage of, of the two, I feel like. And I’ve been in bands where, I wanted to make music for other people, but there’s not a whole lot of magic in that. I think the magic is in, creating for yourself

and to in some way, shape or form, heal people through it.

Kathleen O’Grady: 5 – Autumn

Autumn Brand:  As soon as I let go of that,  as soon as I stopped saying things like, “Oh, I’m so broke. Oh, I can’t do this. I don’t have enough money. Oh, I’m just a broke starving artist.”

As soon as I let go of that. My life completely has turned around. And people reuse this phrase over and over again, but it’s so true. Manifesting. and putting something out into the universe is exactly what you’re going to get back. So if I’m telling myself over and over that I’m broke.

I’m this, I lack this. I lack that. That’s exactly what I am. I’m just telling myself that’s exactly what I am. But, you know, if I, tell myself which I am, and I believe that, I’m a good musician and, I love playing music and. It is my career, and I’ll be able to continue doing it as a career.

That’s what’s happened. That’s what I’m doing. I’m just, I’m just doing it

Kathleen O’Grady: 6 – Autumn

Autumn Brand: But I think, one huge thing I’ve always had to remind myself is that. I am not my emotions, and it’s, but it’s because I am me.

And it’s okay to act to just to feel them and just to experience them. But also not let them overtake you. Not to let them take you on a ride. I heard recently that any emotion. When it’s run, its course will last like 90 seconds. So, like anxiety for instance, huge, huge thing. Everyone feels, I feel like in their twenties, anxiety, literally just feeling it, breathing through it  and, and not letting it overtake your mind.